Archives: f/f

Free F/F story on MMURE

"Their Window" is up as a free read on MMURE.com. It's about two wives claiming their space in their new home, with some treats for fans of sapphic love and mild (but big for the person doing it) exhibitionism. 

“Not yet,” she said.
“But, baby—”
“Not. Yet.” She punctuated the words with soft laughter and an even softer kiss.
“You know how much I love to taste you.”
“You know how much I love being tasted.” Her tongue flickered across Sandra’s upper lip. “But I like to be reminded.”
Waiting reminded her; waiting gave them both a chance to want it even more. As a horny young twentysomething, Sandra would never have believed the odd satisfaction she’d discover a decade later as a married woman, working long hours to pay a mortgage, collapsing on the couch to rest, then waking to make love to her wife, slowly and patiently. Knowing she would taste her eventually, her desire built and built, to a payoff that was better than she could imagine in her initial rush.
It occurred to her that this would be the first time she and Viv actually made love on this couch. So yes, no need to rush it.

Anthologies I dream of editing

Maybe it’s the full flush of our submissions period (260+ authors have sent us a truly uncountable number of stories, and there’s still a week to send more in!). Maybe it’s quarantine. But I keep coming up with ideas for erotica anthologies.

Reading submissions has shown some interesting gaps in the genre. That and spending my downtime browsing Reddit–specifically subs like AITA and relationship advice ones–has made me once again aware of how desperately we need better narratives about sex.

• Also, the fact that we have more wonderful submissions than we can ever fit into one anthology is inspiring me to think of Erato II already. There are some alterations to the guidelines that would make short-short fiction more competitive, but basically everything in our Easy Sells category will remain a priority.
• One thing I can’t get enough of in NSP submissions or anywhere else? Pegging. The one thing I haven’t found an anthology 100% focused on? Pegging! (An exception is the Turning the Tables anthology from Storm Moon press, which was great, but came out several years ago and only contains four stories.) So what do I want to edit? An anthology of the best pegging erotica! I don’t think it’ll be a New Smut Project title necessarily (the focus is narrow for NSP, which aims for ambitiously inclusive anthologies), but maybe a project of my own? Accordingly, I’ve added a list for my MailChimp newsletter specifically to send out alerts about anthologies I’m editing. You can subscribe here.
• All those cyborg and sex robot stories we received in the first flush of Erato submissions had the editorial team and our friends brainstorming about what makes a good instance of that subgenre. And, hey, He, She and It and The Silver Metal Lover both turned me on… Anyway, my partner and I struck upon the most important part of any anthology: an excruciatingly punny title. AI <3 U is maybe coming to some bookstore somewhere near you at some point in the future, but at least now the title is burned into your memory.
• Speaking of science fiction, Erato has received a lot of awesome F/F spec fic. Enough that one could put together a strong anthology of just that. And has anyone? Sapphics in Space? Again, the focus is a little narrow for NSP, but it might be a good choice for someone to pitch to a publisher who does themed F/F anthologies, like Bold Strokes Books or Cleis Press. That someone doesn’t have to be me, and if you take this idea and run with it, it’s a gift, not a theft.
• My co-editor Guinevere Chase asks only two things: “couples with different libidos, making it work with lots of love and understanding and excitement and creativity” and “authors making love to the language like their characters are making love on the page”. For that second topic, I haven’t yet come up with a concise brief or pitch–Guinevere’s is really good on its own–but I do have the title: Cunning Linguists.
• As for couples with different libidos–okay, here the Reddit reading is getting to me. Straight people, among others, desperately need to be more creative. I don’t mean swinging-from-the-ceiling kink extravaganzas (I don’t not mean that either), but just a realization that intimacy other than “penetration to mutual orgasm” does count as sex! Enter Alternative Options, a spiritual sequel/younger sister to Between the Shores, which will feature couples who enjoy “nontraditional” sex or kink because things like vaginismus, erectile dysfunction, mixed libidos, lowered ability to orgasm as a side effect of medications like antidepressants, fear of pregnancy, the reality of how arousal works for many people, etc. make the “penetration to mutual orgasm” model a poor fit. And/or just because they don’t like that model. I’m not a huge fan myself, and I like it less and less by the day as I (productivate on Reddit’s misery subs) see how being trapped in it makes people miserable for little good reason.
• I’d want the final antho to be inclusive of all genders & sexualities, with each story subverting the Norm (though the Norm itself more or less assumes a cisgender heterosexual couple, it’s not like LGBTQIA+ people aren’t also expected to conform to it–“Which one of you is the man,” etc. By which they mean “Surely the long-haired vegetable never wears the strap-on” [click through for full quote from Mae Martin’s routine]. As a longish-haired vegetable myself, I resent that). So this antho can include a nonbinary person and their male partner where one of them has erectile dysfunction, or an F/F story where one or both partners take an antidepressant that makes orgasm less likely, or vice-versa for either of those pairings & concepts, along with a F/M couple where her arousal nonconcordance means she’s not wet or ready enough for penetration but still wants to enjoy intimacy and pleasure. Stuff that can affect you even if you’re not aiming for PIV (or penetration at all).
• Speaking of subverting norms, I remember Alex Freeman and I once brainstormed an NSP anthology of Billionaire Erotica for the Rest of Us–basically anything but maledom billionaire/femsub ingenue pairings. Has the time for that passed? Or might it come again?
• Anyway, by this point I’m just spitballing with no intended follow-up, but speaking more of breaking rules: a collection of 35 short stories (not necessarily erotica) that each depict a heroine breaking one of The Rules (or a rule from its many sequels) would be on my to-read list SO FAST. Not all of the stories would be happy–some of The Rules actually are good advice, like “Don’t expect a man to change” or “Don’t date a married man” or “Love only those who love you”. But they’d all be absolutely fascinating. And I really want to be a fly on the wall when someone breaks Rule 31, “Don’t discuss The Rules with your therapist.
• (That rule is such a red flag that a red flag parade just broke social distancing orders to march down my street.)
• On the one hand, I’m not 100% sure how one would break rule #1 and be “A creature like any other,” but apparently a “Creature Unlike Any Other” is “always stylish, smiling, fit and feminine” which…doesn’t exactly break any molds. Maybe a story about a frumpy, grumpy, but goodhearted tomboy who makes friends with other women who share her interests? “We ARE like other girls, and that’s okay”?

Wow, when I write it all out like that it is quite a list. What do you think? Would you want to read one of these anthologies, or write for one, or edit one?

For updates on any of these projects–which might not come for a while, since editing Erato is still my first priority, plus my day-job copyediting–you can sign up for the New Smut Project newsletter, if they turn out to be NSP projects. OR for any anthos I edit in the future, wherever they come out from, you can subscribe to my newsletter specifically for updates on “Anthologies Edited by T.C. Mill”. Neither are going to bombard your inbox frequently, but you might get some good news in times to come.

Conversely, do you want to edit or claim some of these ideas? I’d appreciate it if you dropped a line letting me know! And maybe you’d be interested in having a slush reader and copyeditor on your team? tc dot mill at yahoo dot com — I’d love to hear from you!

(Though, not to be greedy, but I’m a bit territorial over Erato II for obvious reasons, as well as Alternative Options, Cunning Linguists [Guinevere should have first dibs on editing those concepts] and Best Pegging Erotica. Not that I don’t want to read someone else’s take on an anthology that overlaps with the ideas–Erato was created partially because I loved flash anthologies like Five-Minute Erotica, and I want to edit a pegging erotica antho in part because I have trouble finding as much pegging erotica as I want. But I’m also going to be doing those myself, almost certainly, in the next few years. Knock on wood, bow to the alter of the Muse, etc.)

Sex Toy Review: The Five by Wet For Her

Wet For Her, as you might guess by the name, is a company creating sex toys “for women by women.” Neither my partner nor I are men, so we felt encouraged and affirmed by this tagline. In particular, it’s helpful that their insertable toys are designed with a slight bend that makes them able, with the right angling, to provide either g-spot OR prostate stimulation, since we have one of those between us.

(SheVibe also classes them as an anal safe toy because of the flared base–the more you know~ *flying rainbow*)

What we loved about the work of our fellow sapphic phallus designers (almost spelled that phellow sapphic phallus designers) is that the toy is nicely, sleekly phallic but isn’t trying to look like a penis. Not that I have anything against such organs; they can be quite beautiful and lovely. But wearing one myself would feel corny and unappealing. Obviously, some people would feel the exact opposite, and they might prefer to seek out a strap-on toy with balls and veins and so forth. Happy hunting to them! My partner and I, though, love the design of this one. It’s like a spaceship at my crotch.

Ready for liftoff, ma’am.

The Five come in several colors, and true to its simple and non-biorealistic design, none of them resemble anyone’s “flesh tone”. I choose the matte black because it matches my harness. The purple is also attractive and matches my partner’s cuffs, and there’s a rose pink for those whose taste runs that way. I’m only a little disappointed they don’t come in bi pride colors like some toys do.

“The Five” apparently refers to a “Five out of Five” star rating. It’s not a reference to length. Though as a matter of fact, the Small and Medium sizes of the Five both have a business length of 5.1″. They differ in girth, with the Small being 1.1″ or “two fingers” wide according to the Wet For Her website and the Medium, which I have, being 1.38″ or “three fingers”. The Large has an insertable length of 5.5″ and a diameter of 1.65″ or “four fingers”.

I own the Medium, and a happy medium it is. Actually, diameter-wise it feels like a bit of a squeeze into my SpareParts Theo harness; I suppose the fraction of an inch increase for the Large size wouldn’t be impossible, but I was surprised to hear the toy gets any wider while still being compatible with the harness. Maybe I’m just shy of forcing the O-ring. There’s a punchline to make, I’ll leave you to it. I do recognize the snug fit keeps the Five in place and offers me more control once it’s actually in place.

I guess I could have held up a dollar bill to measure, but that’s not where my focus was at the time.

Now, when it comes to easing it in–yes, let’s go there, though I should also note that 5.1″ turns out to be the perfect length for cocksucking when the sucker has a tameable gag reflex–the fact that the Five is made of smooth, seamless silicone is great. Lube spreads on it beautifully. And going back to size, I should note every condom I’ve put on it has fit fine, and I have not been very scientific in picking condoms (they advertise to me with a lot of words about the benefits “for him” and “for her” that just don’t apply).

The silicone is also easy to clean. Wet For Her’s website recommends soap and warm water, so I may have been overzealous the times I’ve also used boiling water, but that didn’t seem to do any harm either. (Okay, looks like the thorough advice is: soap and water first to clean it, then boiling to sanitize. So I’m good. But a tip for first-time toy cooker-cleaners, in case it doesn’t go without saying: hot silicone looks exactly the same as cold silicone. Let it cool down a bit before picking it up!)

Lately I’ve had my eye on another Wet For Her product, the Fusion. It’s also non-phallic in design and comes in the same color options. It’s about 0.2″ longer in each size category (I might go for the large, at 5.7″ long, since a slightly longer stroke could be pleasurable to both of us). And best of all, it includes a padded base with a ridge for clitoral stimulation. In the meantime, I’m supplementing my Five with the Sili Saddle, which as previously mentioned, I love (and I’d want a Sili Saddle too in any event for its versatility, since I can use it without penetrating my partner). A little experimentation is involved in finding the best angle for both my partner and I to receive optimal stimulation from our respective ends of the Five, but hey, that’s part of the fun!

Also mentioned in my Sili Saddle review, Wet For Her sells the Bumpher, with which one could reverse-engineer a Five for greater stimulation. However, the Five’s broad base–which is great for sticking on a Sili Saddle, for keeping it firmly in place for the harness, and even for stimulation on its own–makes me uneager to try pulling something on around it. It’s that reluctance to force O-rings again; that and, frankly, there’s very little less sexy than the thought of wrestling with my own cock. Although as soon as I typed that, a myriad of possibilities came to mind. Perils of being an erotica writer. I’m straying from the point. The Bumpher is probably an excellent choice for many people, and it has seemed to receive rave reviews for how it feels. As my toy collection expands, maybe I’ll try it sometime…

Putting any sort of pad at the base does a lot to increase comfort and pleasure–before buying the Sili Saddle, I actually folded up a menstrual pad to fit in between the Five and my body, and that also make the experience of using it a lot better (not that it was ever bad!). So if you’re not able to spring for a specially designed pad, consider this inexpensive backup option.

Ultimate ranking for the Five: I’m not sure if it’s 5/5, but it’s surely close. Attractive design, simple features, and the opportunity to combine with a few add-ons all make it a great beginner toy for some kinky sapphics (or even non-kinky ones!). While with experience, the Medium I purchased might be a little short, and the base becomes less desirable to use unpadded now that I’ve learned how great a saddle can be, “my cock” is a beloved inhabitant of my bag of tricks.

Two short stories for free online reading

As my first week (er, honestly, nearer to my first 3 days) of government-encouraged isolation comes to an end, my heart is lighted by the latest issue of Cliterature Journal and a piece of mine appearing in The Erotic Review. Both are free to read.

Cliterature’s GOD/DESS issue includes an excerpt from my story “Annunciation,” about gender, Catholicism, queer desire, and growing up in the middle of them. Fittingly, the issue came out just a few days past the Feast of The Annunciation.

We talked about family and gifts, sacraments and liberation theology and martyrs. What scars through resurrected hands and feet mean to survivors. You told me about WATER’s liturgies and discussions for queer women. The label was still new to me then. Once in high school, a boy had sneered to my best friend and I, “What are you, lesbians?” (I haven’t seen him since, unfortunately). You used both words with equal pride.

I told you about Gabriel.

We spoke all the way back to my dorm.

“It was great talking to you.”

“Gosh, yeah.”

And I let you kiss my lips instead of my cheek; I kissed you back; I went up to my room and sinned thoughtlessly, unselfconsciously, but afterwards I lay awake and thought and prayed.

The next Saturday, I invited you to my room for us to finish our project. Which we did, in record time. And then—Two women together in a bedroom.

“You’re so beautiful,” I say, placing your folded socks on my chair without looking away from your hands as they open your shirt. The silver Miraculous Medal gleams at your throat beneath the rainbow bandana. I’ve put my rosary aside. “You’re the most…awesome, amazing woman I’ve ever met.”

You don’t seem to know what to make of that, but after a moment you smile. I lean closer, placing my hands on your knees. Your body’s warmth beats through your jeans.

“Okay,” I say—reassuring myself more than you. Be not afraid. “This is . . . better than okay.”

At the Erotic Review, “Like That“–part of what may one day become a proper romance novel–shows how two former lovers briefly become closer to each other. It’s also more than a little kinky.

While it was going so well, he’d proposed handcuffs. She accepted, enthusiastically. And when he brought over the pair he’d picked up at the porn store off the highway, she’d hopped onto her bed and raised her hands toward the headboard. That was when he realised maybe he hadn’t been clear. Or in her eagerness she had misinterpreted him.

But she was so eager to have them put on her. So he did.

It was fun, although he was slower to get hard than he’d ever been. At first he worried he wouldn’t be able to get into it. But she was, after all, naked — beautifully so — and her excitement became contagious.

The fact was, Leo liked doing what women wanted. But this time, he felt out of place — enjoying it, but in the way he would enjoy accidentally crashing someone else’s party.

Cosmic, uncanny, and erotic

Out this month, Mystique is an anthology of gay and lesbian erotic fantasy romance. My piece in it, “The Passion of Her Sleep,” is a Poe-inspired f/f love story, eerie, erotic, and sweet…

The elevator pitch–by which I mean what I’d ramble at you were you trapped in an elevator with me–is “Madeline Usher meets a beautiful, clever, and brilliant lady and lover in a dreamworld that is sort of the Masque of the Red Death, but much, much sexier. Together, can they escape the general grimness of storylines from Edgar Allan Poe?”

MYSTIQUE is currently available on the Aurelia Leo website and on Amazon. A paperback and audiobook version are coming soon!

An excerpt:

Ashtophet approaches, smiling. 

“You always find me,” Madeline says. 

“I’m always searching for you.”

Heat stirs under her skin. “I…” And words cascade from her, like the streams from the fountains feeding the pools. “I tried searching, too, in a way. I’m sorry it took so long. It used to be that I had trouble staying awake. Now I seem to have trouble falling asleep.”

Ashtophet’s beautiful lips form a frown. “That’s unlucky.”

“I’m an unlucky woman.” She looks down. Dampened from brushing the wet paving stones, the hem of her pale gown has become as clear as glass. “Please excuse my complaints. I’m not wholly unlucky. After all, you continue finding me.”

Ashtophet’s laughter is as musical as the fountains, and it brings Madeline’s head up. “Every night, I look forward to the search.”

“It’s how you choose to spend your dreams?”

“True.” She appears a little surprised at the idea, or simply amused. “Wandering this strange place—this beautiful place—witnessing all that happens here, though holding back from joining it myself… It’s been restful for me.” Ashtophet shifts on her feet. “And I’ve found you, another observer.”

“It’s not that I need the rest here,” Madeline admits, “so much as I don’t know how to begin to participate.” 

“And would you…like to?” Now Ashtophet’s gaze falls. Madeline follows it, landing on a tangle of orange and violet-striped flowers with lacy stems and leaves. A gentle breeze makes the petals dance while neither of them speaks.

“Would you?” she finally asks.

“Like you, I’m unsure how to begin.”

A cry carries across the pool—not alarmed but full-throated and exuberant. Waves surge, lifting sheets of water over the tiles. Even on the ground, its puddles appear black, almost bottomless. 

“I don’t know how to swim,” Madeline says.

“I don’t often have the chance to.”

“Shall we step in anyway? They’re wading on this side.” Even as she speaks, Madeline kicks off her slippers. The earth around the flowers is soft and surprisingly warm against her soles.

Dirty Thirty

I’ve been somewhat absent of late, haven’t I?

Conditions described in my previous personal update prevail. Pervertedly. Passionately.

It feels so natural and so wonderful at once.

While a lady doesn’t tie up and tell–actually, my boytoy/girlfriend wouldn’t mind me bragging, but the real challenge would be wanting to talk and talk and talk about it once I got started; maybe someday–in the writing world (and I AM still writing), I have some updates to share!

Coming soon: “The Passion of Her Sleep,” a Poe-inspired F/F romance, in MYSTIQUE, an  anthology of cosmic, uncanny, and macabre erotic romance short stories.
Preorder on the Aurelia Leo website.

And while I’m sharing new releases: can’t believe I missed my sci-fi pegging fic, “Not Quite an Antidote,” in Rose Caraway’s The Sexy Librarian’s Dirty Thirty, Volume 3. Now available in ebook and paperback. From what I recall from my years of working in a library, Dewey Decimal 808.8 includes anthologies, rhetorical analysis, writing advice, etc. The Sexy Librarian also classifies “Not Quite an Antidote” as being about Venom, Boundaries, and Intoxicating Desire. All true, and have I mentioned the pegging?

Love and Love and Love…

Happy belated Valentine’s Day, whoever you spent it with. Including and especially to those who spent it alone, as I did–not the worst of company! And not just because it means there’s no need to share the pile of chocolate assortments I got on discount the 15th of February. ;D

Without digging too much into personal drama, let’s just say I spent Valentine’s Day alone partially by choice, because being alone is better than being in poor company, or company that can’t accept you as you are. And as I’ve had reason to reckon with that, I found some comfort in thinking about my story in Rachel Kramer Bussel’s recently released anthology, Erotic Teasers. 

“I mean, it feels personal. I’m not sure if it is. Which is weird, right? Not that I don’t enjoy your company,” she added. “I like hanging out with guys. But women, too…”

Roland nodded. “Would you like to get a drink?”

“Sure.” Marisol smiled, but five minutes later she was frowning into her beer. “It’s just a guessing game, I guess.” A grimace at the echo. “But how did I get to be twenty-seven without knowing if I’m lesbian or straight?”

“There are other options,” Roland said.

She looked at him across the table. “Yeah. And it’s even more of a guessing game how people will react if you bring that up.”

“Well.” He tipped his glass toward her. “My boyfriend, my girlfriend, and I all fall on the continuum.”

Her eyes widened. Then her mouth did, showing teeth in a grin. “You have both?”

“They have me.” Maybe it was the beer, maybe it was the brightness of her smile and what it did to his heart jumping in his chest, but Roland decided to go all in. He pushed back his shirt sleeves and raised his wrists to show her.

As I mentioned in my blog post about my story in Best Lesbian Erotica, this story received a plot point, and some fuel, from certain signs held up at events in my generally pleasant Midwestern town. But it’s not just written out of defiance. I already had the idea of this poly group of two dominants, their submissive boyfriend, and the woman who joins them, and I was already excited about writing it, because it’s the kind of romantic fantasy that warms my heart (and not just my heart, I’ll admit, if we’re going to get personal).

More about the story, including another tease of an excerpt, is available HERE.

Meanwhile, I do have “set up an OKCupid” profile on my to-do list, so maybe a year from now I won’t have chosen to be single… but whatever you may be, so long as you’re being true to yourself, I’m happy for you and those you love in all the ways you love each other. And if you haven’t yet found your truth, I wish you luck. It’s worth finding.

Escape to Pleasure

Even though it’s been a winter with eerily little snow, it’s still winter. It’s gray, it’s cold, the kind slices like a knife. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be anywhere but where I am.

Since, because of travesties like “work” and other “adult responsibilities,” I can’t pack up a suitcase and follow the sun, instead I’m staying curled on my couch under a wonderful fluffy blanket and reading a lot.

If you’re in a similar bind, there’s one way to enjoy the better aspects of both options–to temporarily escape somewhere less gray, and to really warm your winter up. Escape to Pleasure; Lesbian Travel Erotica from Bold Strokes Books is now widely available at many ebook and paperback retailers. 

Have you ever fantasized about dipping into sensual waters? Tasting exotic fruit? Watching forbidden pleasures? Ever dreamed about the erotic games lesbians  play when they’re far away from home?

When life becomes mundane, the best way to shake things up is by getting away from it all. On vacation, anything is possible and fantasies really can come true. Edgy, wild, and wanton encounters promise satisfaction for those ready to play while away.  Join these award-winning authors as they explore the sensual side of erotic lesbian travel.

My story, “Like Flash Flood,” appears alongside 18 other tales of far travels, intriguing experiences, breathtaking scenery, and other other things that take your breath away…

Find Escape to Pleasure at:

Bold Strokes Books website
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Kobo
Smashwords
Goodreads

On Loss and Anger and Being Unafraid: “Fearless” in Best Lesbian Erotica, Vol 3

I am so excited to contribute to Best Lesbian Erotica of the Year, Vol 3, and to contribute to the anthology’s blog tour today with some behind-the-scenes information about how and why I wrote “Fearless.”

Tessa loved how she made love to her, Jenny knew, because Jenny was the one person willing to treat her as if she were unbreakable. Even though everyone was breakable. They’d never forget that. Yet here Tessa stood—swaying a bit on her feet, but holding her ground—open and unafraid.

I don’t think it will surprise my longtime readers, and I hope it doesn’t alarm anyone, when I say I wrote “Fearless” out of grief and rage.

Grief because it’s one of many stories I’ve written about living after loss. I realize that’s not the most usual topic of choice for an erotica writer! But I’ve found it a natural fit: what’s lost and what’s left both inform our relationships to ourselves, to others, and to our bodies and experiences.

I’m interested in writing in the gaps, and around gaps, and in filling gaps with my writing.

Which brings me to rage. Not just because it belongs in the cycle of grief, though that too. In this case, I was reading a comments section somewhere—yes, I should have known  better—and stumbled on a predictable but no less tired comment about dating, or rather not dating, women who have had mastectomies and breast reconstruction. As if surviving breast cancer rendered someone’s body unsexy because of what treatment survival might involve. This prize opinion struck me as one more example of an infuriatingly narrow standard for beauty and sexiness that requires people, especially women, to be “flawless”–which in practice means showing no sign of ever having experienced anything. Life does not leave us unmarked! And how could anyone claim this means life leaves us less beautiful or worthy and capable of pleasure and eroticism?

So, I decided to write a story showing otherwise (not the last such story either, I expect). I always have a number of different works in progress, and when deciding which to complete next, I knew one of the heroines would have had a mastectomy. I usually build short stories by combining details and images that have caught my imagination or attention, and I already had some: first, a beautiful dark-auburn-haired woman walking toward my city’s farmer’s market in a deep red sundress that left her shoulders bare. And, thinking of that farmer’s market, I remembered the people who sometimes gather in this public space to push certain religious and political views. Views and people which I try to cross the street to avoid. And I thought of how rage is not only a response to loss, but to fear.

Fear and rage are difficult emotions to handle. But I’ve found writing—even/especially erotic writing—isn’t an unproductive use of them*.

So there I had my two heroines, Tessa and Jenny. I had vivid encounter to open the story, one that showed their personal histories and emotions conflicting without imploding. And then another item on my to-write list: fisting. In fact, I’ll just quote my notes for this story from my backup files:

>“You have no fucking concept of fear!” (Yeah, that can get kinky in other circumstances.)

>By which I mean this is also a fisting story. 

Then came research, and decisions about my heroines’ specific experiences, and more research. Shout-out to all the helpful educators online offering advice for fisting and for having sex in remission from breast cancer that show how  these experiences—when preparation, communication, and patience are involved—can be anything but frightening! (Oh, except for the story about the top getting sent to the emergency room with a sprained wrist after her gf’s orgasm. That was a little unsettling, I admit, but also fascinating and hilariously told. I wish I could link to it but I’m having trouble finding the right search string that produces the clip on YouTube and not porn, alas!)

From the storage bin under the mattress, Jenny pulled out a vial of massage oil, then a pump jar of lube. Tessa lay back, resting on her elbows.

“I want you so much,” she said.

Jenny wasn’t eloquent at moments like these, struck speechless by the gorgeous body spread naked on their bed, words drying in her mouth with emotion. “Me too,” she said at last. “I mean, you too. I want you. Here.”

So, maybe it seems odd that grief and rage and fear can make something erotic, or maybe it makes perfect sense to you. They are intense emotions, after all, and they can arise in response to love and desire. And it’s also important that, just as they don’t crowd out the erotic, neither do they crowd out hope. What’s lost and what’s left aren’t all there is: there’s also what comes after, and that can include triumph and joy.

“I’m green for this,” Tessa said, but slowly, reverently, as if she couldn’t fully believe it herself.

“You’re doing awesome,” Jenny said, her own voice hushed in awe. “Let me know if you want to try something different.”

She moved into her. Reached into her. Slid into her, a key into a lock. Not easily—nothing so overwhelming could be easy—but fearlessly.

Find Best Lesbian Erotica of the Year, Volume 3:

Sparking off the blog tour: Introduction by editor Sacchi Green
Cleis Press Bookstore
Amazon.com
Amazon.co.uk
iBooks
Barnes & Noble
Kobo
Google Play Store
Powells
Booktopia
Foyles
Overdrive
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*Indeed, the unpleasant signs and speakers in my downtown have also contributed a plot point in my story in Cleis’ Erotic Teasers anthology, coming out in January. Though I’m unlikely to do it, for various reasons, the thought of going up to them and saying “Thank you for helping me find the plot points to finish two queer erotic short stories!”  warms my heart often. While my experiences differ from Jenny’s, I’ve also written about my own religious background, Roman Catholicism, in my stories in the Sacrilege anthology from Mofo Publications.

Dancing With Myself Release: “The Solution”

Today is the release date for Dancing With Myself, an anthology of self-love erotica. What a beautiful phrase–“self-love.” In all it senses. Interestingly, one might argue that the protagonist of my piece in this anthology, “The Solution,” doesn’t have a lot of reason to love herself.

“The Solution” is a story that’s been on my mind for a while. Even with this, it’s still not fully purged; I suspect it’s one of those beasties that might turn into a novel one day. I starting writing it when I was reflecting on how several of my favorite erotic novels–everything from Megan Hart’s Tear You Apart to  Kate Chopin’s The Awakening–center around adultery.

What’s up with that?

I’ve got theories: not the lies, but the secrecy certainly touches on something in me, and I’ve always been personally a bit skeptical of monogamy. It’s definitely something more fun to read and write about than to do, but there is that fascination that always surrounds people behaving badly.

I wondered if Dom had ever worried about me, all the nights I’d been out late. Maybe he’d been glad to have his space, just as I was glad to have mine on those evenings he claimed to have meetings or buddies waiting for him at some bar. Once I figured out where he’d really been going, I claimed more than space. I took pleasure, I took control. That was what it felt like at the time, at least.

The story centers, then, around that headspace–the thrill of doing what you know is wrong, but feeling justified in it anyway. A place where selfishness isn’t quite the same as self-love. But it’s as much about the other people involved in these brief-lived affairs, some of them one or two-night infidelities:

Dirty, he’d called me when I showed him how to get me off. I’d grabbed his hand and guided it to where mine now was, riding his fingers and rutting against his palm. His wrist had twisted in my grip and he’d panted about my perversity. I’m not sure which part he found so perverse. When I’d gone further, grasping his cock to control how it slid inside me, he’d been able to say nothing at all. Had that been worth violating my marriage vows for? That, and Heather, and Claire and Matt, and Joshua’s lips wrapping around my nipples as his fingers cupped and kneaded my ass, and Scott’s grin as he followed me down the dim corridor…

It’s a story about memory, and having it all at once, and having none of it, and learning how to love yourself once again. After all, you’re the one person you have no choice but to be faithful to.

Dancing With Myself is available on Amazon and Smashwords. More updates will be added to “The Solution’s” story page as they come.