Archives: pegging

Well, pegging is having a cultural moment…

For some reason, my romantic honeymoon first-time pegging story To Have and To Hold has sold multiple copies on Amazon this month after having a relatively quiet year. 

I wish I knew what’s gone right, because I don’t think it’s anything I’m responsible for. I can’t find evidence of someone else reviewing or linking to the story recently, either. 

Is it that pegging is having a cultural moment and I have that keyword in the subtitle? 

Book sales, the eternal mystery.

Anyway, since every copy sold is $1 to the Center for Pleasure and Sexual Health, I can write them a check soon. This is good news (the sales part; pegging’s cultural moment is rather mixed), just somewhat baffling good news. Arguably the best kind?

Downloads of my free pegging story distributed through Smashwords have also shot up 400% over the last reporting period, so maybe it is a cultural moment. 

And this makes me happy those two stories are very clear on pegging not being painful or a way to take “revenge” on a man or patriarchy in general. I mean, if you enjoy that fantasy or wish to do it safely and with mutual consent in real life, more power to you. Or less power to you, depending on which role you prefer to take. But it’s not the preference of myself or my current pegging-erotica audience. No, my stories are about pegging as a super hot way to have sex.

(Pain & punishment is also not the message sex educator Luna Matatas means to promote with her–trademarked, and worn at the Gala without her endorsement or permission–phrase. Though she does describe her view of pegging, a metaphor that goes beyond the sex act, as “subversion” and even that is…well, I respect Matatas’ work and deplore the plagiarism of her trademark, but her view is not my own view. Of course, different people can view the same act/concept/term differently–and people can take different perspectives at different times. But I don’t recall ever pegging someone with the thought “Yes, I am subverting something.” I’m just having good sex. So I’ve always been wary of subversion-style phrasing, and wary of linking pegging with patriarchy in any capacity — but I’m even more concerned and dismayed at the popular idea of pegging as a violent or vengeful act, which the slogan’s uncredited and low-context appearance at the Met Gala promotes more than challenges, completely against Matatas’ intentions. The article linked at the beginning of this parenthetical offers more important context and information about Matatas and her work as a queer, POC sex educator–and any article that opens with someone “teaching her Intro to Cock and Ball Torture class” is a cultural moment in and of itself.)

Meanwhile, in case my efforts do sell books ;D, or if you’re just curious, here’s an excerpt from To Have and To Hold:

“Maybe you should stop trying to make sense of my kinks,” he says, smiling.

“Yeah, maybe I should.”

With some reluctance, she takes her hand from his ass and leans over the side of the bed for her suitcase. He takes the items as she hands them up. The lube, the packets of gloves and condoms, and then the double-headed dildo. It’s in a marbled blue pattern that reminds her of the ocean. The “flesh” color didn’t match either of their skin tones, too pale for hers and too dark for his, and actually, she likes that this one doesn’t look at all realistic. What about any of this is realistic?

She’s married, to James, they’re on their honeymoon, the view outside her window looks like a postcard, and she’s about to fuck him just as he wants her to.

Claire leans over him as he spreads his legs, opening a space for her, exposing himself to her. She lifts his balls, already high and tight with his erection, and looks at him. He shivers, a tremble working its way up his thighs and turning into a wiggle along his hips and spine, as if her examination is overwhelming.

“You look good,” she says. “You’re so turned on.” One gloved finger runs along his cock, tracing a vein. “You don’t need to be shy.”

She actually can’t see a lot, his modesty protected by shadows and a little dark, curling hair. In itself that’s sexy to her. Claire has never thought of herself as the kind of person to be turned on by despoiling virgins, but there it is.

She brushes his hole with a lubed fingertip. “Okay?”

He pushes himself a little wider, another visible tremor moving along his legs. “Yes. Please.”

She feels him flex against her fingertip, not resisting but uncertain, so obviously self-conscious that it makes her smile coyly herself. As she pushes into him, his reaction is like stuttering, stammering, a shy flutter of muscles around her that makes her heart skip beats with utter adoration. He’s adorable.

“Oh my god,” she whispers as she slips further inside, eased by the slick lubricant and by the way he relaxes with a deep, slow breath. In a way it’s simpler than she feared but it’s also astonishing, this intimate opening of his body for her.

---

I also want to say, the view from the other side of the strap is beautifully given in my late partner’s short story collection, available as a free or pay-what-you-will ebook this October. My girlfriend’s writing, not incidentally, goes against the assumption that pegging is something only done by cishet couples.

I’ve also written some stories exploring the power dynamics that can be present in pegging–including dynamics that are rather opposite the mainstream’s expectations–now collected in Tender Things.

As it happens, I do have some strong opinions and feelings on pegging (one of the foremost being, “It’s fun!”). And for all I’ve rambled in this blog post, I think I express those feelings more clearly and strongly–and, not coincidentally, less self-consciously–in fiction.

A Love Story

On June 21, 8:24 am–almost exactly a week before I received the phone call from his father telling me he’d passed away–my girlfriend/boytoy sent me an email titled “I am a sappy little creature.”

Hello love,
This began life as an attempt to write a pegging short story, but quickly dissolved into a transparently fictional love letter to my favorite dom. I don’t know that it could ever have a life in any publication, but it helped me to get back into the habit of writing in my free time instead of taking long sunburny walks and moping, so it has a special place in my heart.
Not unlike my dom.
Love,
J

It’s indeed the kind of story that might be tricky to publish–not enough full-frontal-sex to be erotica; a bit too much sexual honesty for the mainstream (to say nothing of the kink and gender discussion)–but it is, and I don’t think it’s just my bias that makes me say this, worth reading, not least for people who are like us or who wonder what it’s like to be people like us. Which is part of why I’m sharing it now.

And because I’d like to share what our love was like and I’m not sure I could say it any better than my boytoy/girlfriend himself.

He’d recently moved back to his parents’ place for a rent-free, centrally located (as he’d say, “Indiana: Gateway to everywhere else”) base of operations while he applied to graduate schools, got set up for a freelance career in audio narration, and wrote. I was planning to visit him there soon and we texted every day. The tone of those texts can be predicted from the tone of his email. My girlfriend and I were That Couple. That Couple who also happened to be into some kinky shit.

He’d talked to me about drafting a story about pegging–possibly inspired by my own thoughts about a pegging anthology, and oh yes, he would have been one happy volunteer submissions reader. According to his submission notes (story submission notes, that is) he’d originally planned to title the piece “So Long Ago, So Clear.” The file name on the attachment he emailed to me was “out on the inside.”

I’d told him, pretty early on, that part of why I was so into the idea of penetrating him was because “It’s a way for me to love you from the inside out.”

This story is, so far as I can tell, almost entirely nonfictional. Everything in it really happened, though sometimes in slightly different ways or at different times (for instance, much of the dialogue was actually written between us as text messages or conversations on the dating website where we met). I’ve done very minimal editing for grammar. He’d expect that–I am after all a copyeditor.

And yes, it’s a love story.

OUT ON THE INSIDE

Everyone is a committee, a stir of voices and half-remembered sound bytes. We have our intentions and opinions, but those voices still speak, sometimes drowning out what we know or believe. It doesn’t matter if we give creedence to them, if they’re even reasonable; these persistent ghosts linger within us, repeating their slogans like clockwork automata.

        I have neither love nor respect for the people I encountered in high school. Being raised male, I spent more than my fair share of time around, for want of a better word, guys. This, I hasten to add, in an era that viewed itself as enlightened – don’t they all? – compared to its predecessors. To be gay would have been no big deal, or so they said. But the idea that someone, some ‘guy’, would enjoy being penetrated by ‘his’ girlfriend. That was just, like, weird, man.

        Why do we give these voices such power?

        Growing up, the internet was no help. Femdom scenes portrayed pegging as a punishment, something degrading and humiliating.

        Degrading. Humiliating.

        These words have power.

        I tell you this, my love, not to indulge in some kind of pity-party for my own self-consciousness, but to explain. A sheltered, bookish, gender-uncertain young person like myself would log on to the internet, search for something, anything, in the realm of femdom that seemed loving, and enjoyable, and meaningful, and find the most tasteless garbage imaginable.

        I knew, back then, that I must really be a submissive, if that wasn’t enough to put me off.

        I knew, back then, that I must really be interested in being penetrated, if that wasn’t enough to put me off.

        But oh, the voices it left in my head. Look too long at something, and it will imprint itself on your mind like an exposed Polaroid. You can paint over those grim images, those sketches of pain or uncertainty, but it takes time. It takes work.

        It takes someone like you, my love.

        I met you online, first. In between my coursework, I’d got in the habit of scrolling through profiles, not out of any intent to pursue or hope to be pursued, but simply to enjoy what people did with language, and how they thought of themselves. Everyone is a universe, a shape built out of the myriad experiences, thoughts, ideas, and desires that swirl around inside the sphere of their sensation. I said this, or something like it, to my college roommate once.

        His response: “No wonder you don’t go on any dates.”

        At the risk of being pedantic, I wonder what exactly he meant. That I didn’t go on dates because I was too busy gleaming the cube in our grotty little dorm to be bothered? Or that I didn’t go on dates because no one in their right mind would stand still for such nonsense?

        I never thought to ask him if he went on dates.

        So there I was, reading what other people had to say for themselves instead of finishing my paper on Liutprand of Cremona, bathed in the monitor’s pale radiation. I read a profile. I clicked on the next suggestion. I read a profile. I clicked on the next suggestion.

        Intelligence and forthrightness looked back at me from the screen. A reader, a philosophy graduate, a- oh, a voracious reader, consuming upwards of two hundred books a year. A writer, both of SF and erotica. A lucid thinker, able to explain her perspective and describe her approach to life with both economy and wit.

        For the first time in a long while, I shifted out of read-only mode and thought: It might be interesting to have a conversation with this person.

        I was already keen to know you, even before I reached the part of your profile where you described yourself as Very Dominant and Very Kinky.

        A short digression, if I may, to swat a hornet’s nest by making a sweeping and unfounded claim. It’s been said that there is no difference between so-called “natural-born, instinctive” Doms and subs and everyone else who explore power exchange, that to assert a difference is to imply a kind of elitism, a created heirarchy.

        And yet, there is a difference.

        You’re the first one I ever encountered. The first natural. I could tell before ever I met you. I could tell just from the way you wrote.

        So I reached out. I said hello.

        Not about any of the dreams that danced behind my eyes at the idea of submitting to you. I messaged you about books, about writing and creativity. I knew that no matter what happened, I wanted to know you. I wanted to be your friend.

        I went on with my life.

        A week later, I opened the app, and my breath caught in my throat.

        You answered me.

        We wrote back and forth. We wrote about SF, about creativity and stories. And I didn’t dare ask, but you did it for me. You asked if I’d like to meet.

        “When you mention submission,” you wrote. “My breath catches in my throat.”

        Kismet.

        We met in the library, which I suppose says everything about the kind of people we are. You were small, neat, magnetising. We sat and talked of Roko’s Basilisk, Radu the Beautiful, the Byzantine Empire, everything. I was mesmerised by the intelligence behind your eyes. There really is a difference. Take it from a natural-born submissive.

        “Would you like to come back to my apartment and talk for a bit?” you asked me.

        Yes.

        Your apartment was as neat and orderly as you, though short on space.

        “I’m afraid I only have the one loveseat,” you said. You smiled. “I don’t suppose you’d mind kneeling on the floor?”

        “I’d love to kneel,” I said, and paused. I didn’t dare.

        And once again, all my dreams came true.

        “I’d like you to try that sentence again,” you said, smiling.

        “I’d love to kneel on the floor…Ma’am.”

        “Much better. Take a seat.” You sat down on the loveseat, and I knelt before you.

        You took a good look at my eyes, then gently lowered your feet onto my thighs. You didn’t say anything, but I looked into your eyes, and I knew.

        I took your boots off, with great care, and set them beside the loveseat. I rubbed your feet, feeling a rush of gratitude as you made pleased noises of relaxation. You placed your feet back on my thighs.

        “Let’s talk,” you said.

        “I don’t like protocol,” you said. “Titles and formal dialogue and all that.”

        “Me neither,” I said. “It doesn’t feel like any fun.”

        But it was more than that, and we both knew it. Protocol was a way of saying “We are being in power exchange mode now.”

        We didn’t need that, you and I. We knew who we were, and I like to imagine we knew who we were for each other, even then.

        “I want to say something inappropriate,” I said. “And I’m probably out of line for doing it. But I have to say something, because I’ve never met anyone like you before.”

        “With a preamble like that,” you said, warming my heart with your casual use of the word ‘preamble,’ “I think I have to insist that you say it.”

        “I’m not supposed to bring this up,” I said. “But…” And here I took the plunge. “I would be honored to wear your collar.”

        The submissive is never supposed to ask to be collared. It is presumptuous in the extreme, bad form, crass. If I were inclined to split hairs, I could have argued that I had not asked to be collared, only expressed my feelings about wearing yours. Actually, I had not done even that. I wanted so badly to be yours, a feeling that arose from the very center of me, from deep in the heart where the mysteries emerge. But I wasn’t going to say that, because come on.

        You paused. It probably wasn’t a long pause. It felt like an eternity.

        I thought: Oh no. I’ve fucked it up. It’s all over.

        You said: “Okay.”

        Later, much later, I apologized for my presumption.

        You said: “I appreciated it. It was good to know you wanted it as much as I did.”

        We talked about sex and sexuality. “I’m not much interested in PIV,” you said. “It never held much attraction to me.”

        Deep breath again. The moment of truth.

        A thousand voices, mocking voices from my past, arose inside me. Would this be the moment where it all fell apart, as you realized what a weirdo you had allowed to sidle into your life?

        And I leapt into the dark.

        “The truth is,” I said. I cleared my throat. “The truth is, when it comes down to it, I’d rather be penetrated than do the penetrating. I’m…I’m not much interested in PIV either.”

        I waited for the world to end.

        You paused, considering.

        The future hesitated, waiting its cue to happen.

        “That sounds all right by me,” you said.

        And then we spent the evening talking about Stephen King novels (disappointing) and Samuel Delaney (awesome).

        A few weeks later, you tied me up. Yes, I know this was me talking about pegging, but that’s the point, really: Everything is interconnected.

        I thought I was always dreaming about someone who would take me with their strap-on. Turns out, I was dreaming of somebody, a person I could connect with, and share thoughts and feelings and dreams with, and feel comfortable with, and give myself to, in every way.

        So that when we picked out a strap-on together, and did our homework about how best to go about it, it felt natural and comfortable.

        We gazed into each others’ eyes.

        “How are you feeling right now?” you asked me.

        “Good,” I said. “How are you feeling?”

        “Good,” you said. “Turn over.”

        “Yes, Ma’am.”

        And I got to grow closer with you.

        And suddenly I wasn’t thinking of what anyone had ever said, or my own fears about whether my interests were valid, or real, or just some masturbatory fantasy.

        I wasn’t thinking about anything.

        I was being. I was present in the moment, together with you.

        And don’t get me wrong, it was hot as shit.

        It was hot as shit for precisely all of those reasons.

        Honesty and trust and communication and comfort and understanding and love.

        All the rest is just applied mechanics.

        You were inside me before ever we broke out the Astroglide, grew closer to one another, and discovered how much we both liked it this way.

        Would you like to go again, my love?

Anthologies I dream of editing

Maybe it’s the full flush of our submissions period (260+ authors have sent us a truly uncountable number of stories, and there’s still a week to send more in!). Maybe it’s quarantine. But I keep coming up with ideas for erotica anthologies.

Reading submissions has shown some interesting gaps in the genre. That and spending my downtime browsing Reddit–specifically subs like AITA and relationship advice ones–has made me once again aware of how desperately we need better narratives about sex.

• Also, the fact that we have more wonderful submissions than we can ever fit into one anthology is inspiring me to think of Erato II already. There are some alterations to the guidelines that would make short-short fiction more competitive, but basically everything in our Easy Sells category will remain a priority.
• One thing I can’t get enough of in NSP submissions or anywhere else? Pegging. The one thing I haven’t found an anthology 100% focused on? Pegging! (An exception is the Turning the Tables anthology from Storm Moon press, which was great, but came out several years ago and only contains four stories.) So what do I want to edit? An anthology of the best pegging erotica! I don’t think it’ll be a New Smut Project title necessarily (the focus is narrow for NSP, which aims for ambitiously inclusive anthologies), but maybe a project of my own? Accordingly, I’ve added a list for my MailChimp newsletter specifically to send out alerts about anthologies I’m editing. You can subscribe here.
• All those cyborg and sex robot stories we received in the first flush of Erato submissions had the editorial team and our friends brainstorming about what makes a good instance of that subgenre. And, hey, He, She and It and The Silver Metal Lover both turned me on… Anyway, my partner and I struck upon the most important part of any anthology: an excruciatingly punny title. AI <3 U is maybe coming to some bookstore somewhere near you at some point in the future, but at least now the title is burned into your memory.
• Speaking of science fiction, Erato has received a lot of awesome F/F spec fic. Enough that one could put together a strong anthology of just that. And has anyone? Sapphics in Space? Again, the focus is a little narrow for NSP, but it might be a good choice for someone to pitch to a publisher who does themed F/F anthologies, like Bold Strokes Books or Cleis Press. That someone doesn’t have to be me, and if you take this idea and run with it, it’s a gift, not a theft.
• My co-editor Guinevere Chase asks only two things: “couples with different libidos, making it work with lots of love and understanding and excitement and creativity” and “authors making love to the language like their characters are making love on the page”. For that second topic, I haven’t yet come up with a concise brief or pitch–Guinevere’s is really good on its own–but I do have the title: Cunning Linguists.
• As for couples with different libidos–okay, here the Reddit reading is getting to me. Straight people, among others, desperately need to be more creative. I don’t mean swinging-from-the-ceiling kink extravaganzas (I don’t not mean that either), but just a realization that intimacy other than “penetration to mutual orgasm” does count as sex! Enter Alternative Options, a spiritual sequel/younger sister to Between the Shores, which will feature couples who enjoy “nontraditional” sex or kink because things like vaginismus, erectile dysfunction, mixed libidos, lowered ability to orgasm as a side effect of medications like antidepressants, fear of pregnancy, the reality of how arousal works for many people, etc. make the “penetration to mutual orgasm” model a poor fit. And/or just because they don’t like that model. I’m not a huge fan myself, and I like it less and less by the day as I (productivate on Reddit’s misery subs) see how being trapped in it makes people miserable for little good reason.
• I’d want the final antho to be inclusive of all genders & sexualities, with each story subverting the Norm (though the Norm itself more or less assumes a cisgender heterosexual couple, it’s not like LGBTQIA+ people aren’t also expected to conform to it–“Which one of you is the man,” etc. By which they mean “Surely the long-haired vegetable never wears the strap-on” [click through for full quote from Mae Martin’s routine]. As a longish-haired vegetable myself, I resent that). So this antho can include a nonbinary person and their male partner where one of them has erectile dysfunction, or an F/F story where one or both partners take an antidepressant that makes orgasm less likely, or vice-versa for either of those pairings & concepts, along with a F/M couple where her arousal nonconcordance means she’s not wet or ready enough for penetration but still wants to enjoy intimacy and pleasure. Stuff that can affect you even if you’re not aiming for PIV (or penetration at all).
• Speaking of subverting norms, I remember Alex Freeman and I once brainstormed an NSP anthology of Billionaire Erotica for the Rest of Us–basically anything but maledom billionaire/femsub ingenue pairings. Has the time for that passed? Or might it come again?
• Anyway, by this point I’m just spitballing with no intended follow-up, but speaking more of breaking rules: a collection of 35 short stories (not necessarily erotica) that each depict a heroine breaking one of The Rules (or a rule from its many sequels) would be on my to-read list SO FAST. Not all of the stories would be happy–some of The Rules actually are good advice, like “Don’t expect a man to change” or “Don’t date a married man” or “Love only those who love you”. But they’d all be absolutely fascinating. And I really want to be a fly on the wall when someone breaks Rule 31, “Don’t discuss The Rules with your therapist.
• (That rule is such a red flag that a red flag parade just broke social distancing orders to march down my street.)
• On the one hand, I’m not 100% sure how one would break rule #1 and be “A creature like any other,” but apparently a “Creature Unlike Any Other” is “always stylish, smiling, fit and feminine” which…doesn’t exactly break any molds. Maybe a story about a frumpy, grumpy, but goodhearted tomboy who makes friends with other women who share her interests? “We ARE like other girls, and that’s okay”?

Wow, when I write it all out like that it is quite a list. What do you think? Would you want to read one of these anthologies, or write for one, or edit one?

For updates on any of these projects–which might not come for a while, since editing Erato is still my first priority, plus my day-job copyediting–you can sign up for the New Smut Project newsletter, if they turn out to be NSP projects. OR for any anthos I edit in the future, wherever they come out from, you can subscribe to my newsletter specifically for updates on “Anthologies Edited by T.C. Mill”. Neither are going to bombard your inbox frequently, but you might get some good news in times to come.

Conversely, do you want to edit or claim some of these ideas? I’d appreciate it if you dropped a line letting me know! And maybe you’d be interested in having a slush reader and copyeditor on your team? tc dot mill at yahoo dot com — I’d love to hear from you!

(Though, not to be greedy, but I’m a bit territorial over Erato II for obvious reasons, as well as Alternative Options, Cunning Linguists [Guinevere should have first dibs on editing those concepts] and Best Pegging Erotica. Not that I don’t want to read someone else’s take on an anthology that overlaps with the ideas–Erato was created partially because I loved flash anthologies like Five-Minute Erotica, and I want to edit a pegging erotica antho in part because I have trouble finding as much pegging erotica as I want. But I’m also going to be doing those myself, almost certainly, in the next few years. Knock on wood, bow to the alter of the Muse, etc.)

Sex Toy Review: The Five by Wet For Her

Wet For Her, as you might guess by the name, is a company creating sex toys “for women by women.” Neither my partner nor I are men, so we felt encouraged and affirmed by this tagline. In particular, it’s helpful that their insertable toys are designed with a slight bend that makes them able, with the right angling, to provide either g-spot OR prostate stimulation, since we have one of those between us.

(SheVibe also classes them as an anal safe toy because of the flared base–the more you know~ *flying rainbow*)

What we loved about the work of our fellow sapphic phallus designers (almost spelled that phellow sapphic phallus designers) is that the toy is nicely, sleekly phallic but isn’t trying to look like a penis. Not that I have anything against such organs; they can be quite beautiful and lovely. But wearing one myself would feel corny and unappealing. Obviously, some people would feel the exact opposite, and they might prefer to seek out a strap-on toy with balls and veins and so forth. Happy hunting to them! My partner and I, though, love the design of this one. It’s like a spaceship at my crotch.

The Five come in several colors, and true to its simple and non-biorealistic design, none of them resemble anyone’s “flesh tone”. I choose the matte black because it matches my harness. The purple is also attractive and matches my partner’s cuffs, and there’s a rose pink for those whose taste runs that way. I’m only a little disappointed they don’t come in bi pride colors like some toys do.

“The Five” apparently refers to a “Five out of Five” star rating. It’s not a reference to length. Though as a matter of fact, the Small and Medium sizes of the Five both have a business length of 5.1″. They differ in girth, with the Small being 1.1″ or “two fingers” wide according to the Wet For Her website and the Medium, which I have, being 1.38″ or “three fingers”. The Large has an insertable length of 5.5″ and a diameter of 1.65″ or “four fingers”.

I own the Medium, and a happy medium it is. Actually, diameter-wise it feels like a bit of a squeeze into my SpareParts Theo harness; I suppose the fraction of an inch increase for the Large size wouldn’t be impossible, but I was surprised to hear the toy gets any wider while still being compatible with the harness. Maybe I’m just shy of forcing the O-ring. There’s a punchline to make, I’ll leave you to it. I do recognize the snug fit keeps the Five in place and offers me more control once it’s actually in place.

Now, when it comes to easing it in–yes, let’s go there, though I should also note that 5.1″ turns out to be the perfect length for cocksucking when the sucker has a tameable gag reflex–the fact that the Five is made of smooth, seamless silicone is great. Lube spreads on it beautifully. And going back to size, I should note every condom I’ve put on it has fit fine, and I have not been very scientific in picking condoms (they advertise to me with a lot of words about the benefits “for him” and “for her” that just don’t apply).

The silicone is also easy to clean. Wet For Her’s website recommends soap and warm water, so I may have been overzealous the times I’ve also used boiling water, but that didn’t seem to do any harm either. (Okay, looks like the thorough advice is: soap and water first to clean it, then boiling to sanitize. So I’m good. But a tip for first-time toy cooker-cleaners, in case it doesn’t go without saying: hot silicone looks exactly the same as cold silicone. Let it cool down a bit before picking it up!)

Lately I’ve had my eye on another Wet For Her product, the Fusion. It’s also non-phallic in design and comes in the same color options. It’s about 0.2″ longer in each size category (I might go for the large, at 5.7″ long, since a slightly longer stroke could be pleasurable to both of us). And best of all, it includes a padded base with a ridge for clitoral stimulation. In the meantime, I’m supplementing my Five with the Sili Saddle, which as previously mentioned, I love (and I’d want a Sili Saddle too in any event for its versatility, since I can use it without penetrating my partner). A little experimentation is involved in finding the best angle for both my partner and I to receive optimal stimulation from our respective ends of the Five, but hey, that’s part of the fun!

Also mentioned in my Sili Saddle review, Wet For Her sells the Bumpher, with which one could reverse-engineer a Five for greater stimulation. However, the Five’s broad base–which is great for sticking on a Sili Saddle, for keeping it firmly in place for the harness, and even for stimulation on its own–makes me uneager to try pulling something on around it. It’s that reluctance to force O-rings again; that and, frankly, there’s very little less sexy than the thought of wrestling with my own cock. Although as soon as I typed that, a myriad of possibilities came to mind. Perils of being an erotica writer. I’m straying from the point. The Bumpher is probably an excellent choice for many people, and it has seemed to receive rave reviews for how it feels. As my toy collection expands, maybe I’ll try it sometime…

Putting any sort of pad at the base does a lot to increase comfort and pleasure–before buying the Sili Saddle, I actually folded up a menstrual pad to fit in between the Five and my body, and that also make the experience of using it a lot better (not that it was ever bad!). So if you’re not able to spring for a specially designed pad, consider this inexpensive backup option.

Ultimate ranking for the Five: I’m not sure if it’s 5/5, but it’s surely close. Attractive design, simple features, and the opportunity to combine with a few add-ons all make it a great beginner toy for some kinky sapphics (or even non-kinky ones!). While with experience, the Medium I purchased might be a little short, and the base becomes less desirable to use unpadded now that I’ve learned how great a saddle can be, “my cock” is a beloved inhabitant of my bag of tricks.

A tropical honeymoon sounds pretty good right now…

Doesn’t it?

And pegging, pegging always sounds good.

And breaking down the stigma around herpes — an incredibly common STD that will not ruin your sex life or any other aspect of your life, panic-mongering aside — is pretty sweet too.

That’s the logic behind “To Have and To Hold,” my romantic, erotic honeymoon pegging story for a cause. If “logic” is the right word when my primary goal was to evoke “Pegging. Mm. Hot.” and “Da’awww”. But also to raise some money for a good cause– With every copy sold, $1 will be donated to the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health (http://www.thecsph.org/), an organization that promotes education and dialogue about sexuality.

In the words of my sensitivity reader, Ella Dawson, “It is SO CUTE and THOUGHTFUL and HOT and FULL OF HERPES REPRESENTATION.

Y’all should donate + read!”

Here’s an excerpt to pique your interest:

“Maybe you should stop trying to make sense of my kinks,” he says, smiling.

“Yeah, maybe I should.”

With some reluctance, she takes her hand from his ass and leans over the side of the bed for her suitcase. He takes the items as she hands them up. The lube, the packets of gloves and condoms, and then the double-headed dildo. It’s in a marbled blue pattern that reminds her of the ocean. The “flesh” color didn’t match either of their skin tones, too pale for hers and too dark for his, and actually, she likes that this one doesn’t look at all realistic. What about any of this is realistic? She’s married, to James, they’re on their honeymoon, the view outside her window looks like a postcard, and she’s about to fuck him just as he wants her to.

Claire leans over him as he spreads his legs, opening a space for her, exposing himself to her. She lifts his balls, already high and tight with his erection, and looks at him. He shivers, a tremble working its way up his thighs and turning into a wiggle along his hips and spine, as if her examination is overwhelming.

“You look good,” she says. “You’re so turned on.” One gloved finger runs along his cock, tracing a vein. “You don’t need to be shy.”

She actually can’t see a lot, his modesty protected by shadows and a little dark, curling hair. In itself that’s sexy to her. Claire has never thought of herself as the kind of person to be turned on by despoiling virgins, but there it is.

She brushes his hole with a lubed fingertip. “Okay?”

He pushes himself a little wider, another visible tremor moving along his legs. “Yes. Please.”

She feels him flex against her fingertip, not resisting but uncertain, so obviously self-conscious that it makes her smile coyly herself. As she pushes into him, his reaction is like stuttering, stammering, a shy flutter of muscles around her that makes her heart skip beats with utter adoration. He’s adorable.

“Oh my god,” she whispers as she slips further inside, eased by the slick lubricant and by the way he relaxes with a deep, slow breath. In a way it’s simpler than she feared but it’s also astonishing, this intimate opening of his body for her.

For adult fans of gentle femdom and vanilla dynamics alike, “To Have and to Hold” is now available not only on Amazon but on Smashwords, Smashwords’ broader distribution (Nook, Kobo, iBooks, and more), and for direct download on Gumroad!

LibraryThing members take note:  to celebrate “To Have and To Hold”s broad distribution release, I’m giving away 10 copies on LibraryThing. The giveaway ends April 18. You may need to search the page for “erotic” or “pegging” or scroll a bit to reach it, but it’s one of the few giveaways advertising both, so that makes it an easy find.

Still looking for something to read?

Some good news for a change – I’ve had several new publications come out over the past few weeks, plus a few other places to recommend in your search for more material:

First, “Beyond Words” in Infernal Ink’s penultimate issue (okay, maybe that part’s not such happy news)  is an erotic horror story of young love, as a woman comes of terrible age. It quotes Shakespeare at a key point or two, and it’s sexy, sad, possibly even kind of sweet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also–and this is not a trick–I am super, super psyched to be one of the ten weird & wonderful stories in Rule 34, Volume 2: an erotica collection of unexpected turn-ons, live as of April 1!

My story, “Route 34,” is about being stuck in traffic, what might be the strangest reason to get light-headed over Charlize Theron in Fury Road, work shifts that don’t match up, and going the extra mile to satisfy your beloved. <3

The anthology is on sale at the sites listed HERE.

 

 

 

 

Meanwhile, a reminder that I have two other stories available free online:

Cliterature’s GOD/DESS issue includes an excerpt from my story “Annunciation,” about gender, Catholicism, queer desire, and growing up in the middle of them. Fittingly, the issue came out just a few days past the Feast of the Annunciation.

We talked about family and gifts, sacraments and liberation theology and martyrs. What scars through resurrected hands and feet mean to survivors. You told me about WATER’s liturgies and discussions for queer women. The label was still new to me then. Once in high school, a boy had sneered to my best friend and I, “What are you, lesbians?” (I haven’t seen him since, unfortunately). You used both words with equal pride.

I told you about Gabriel.

We spoke all the way back to my dorm.

“It was great talking to you.”

“Gosh, yeah.”

And I let you kiss my lips instead of my cheek; I kissed you back; I went up to my room and sinned thoughtlessly, unselfconsciously, but afterwards I lay awake and thought and prayed.

The next Saturday, I invited you to my room for us to finish our project. Which we did, in record time. And then—Two women together in a bedroom.

“You’re so beautiful,” I say, placing your folded socks on my chair without looking away from your hands as they open your shirt. The silver Miraculous Medal gleams at your throat beneath the rainbow bandana. I’ve put my rosary aside. “You’re the most…awesome, amazing woman I’ve ever met.”

You don’t seem to know what to make of that, but after a moment you smile. I lean closer, placing my hands on your knees. Your body’s warmth beats through your jeans.

“Okay,” I say—reassuring myself more than you. Be not afraid. “This is . . . better than okay.”

At the Erotic Review, “Like That“–part of what may one day become a proper romance novel–shows how two former lovers briefly become closer to each other. It’s also more than a little kinky.

While it was going so well, he’d proposed handcuffs. She accepted, enthusiastically. And when he brought over the pair he’d picked up at the porn store off the highway, she’d hopped onto her bed and raised her hands toward the headboard. That was when he realised maybe he hadn’t been clear. Or in her eagerness she had misinterpreted him.

But she was so eager to have them put on her. So he did.

It was fun, although he was slower to get hard than he’d ever been. At first he worried he wouldn’t be able to get into it. But she was, after all, naked — beautifully so — and her excitement became contagious.

The fact was, Leo liked doing what women wanted. But this time, he felt out of place — enjoying it, but in the way he would enjoy accidentally crashing someone else’s party.

Lastly, ebooks!

If your socially responsible isolation reading includes a Kindle Unlimited subscription, you should know:

• Lovely Boy, a submissive male story of taboo roleplay, is available on KU until May 17
  • It’s up for preorder on Gumroad and will be available on Smashwords in May.
• Her Seal Upon Him, a femdom story of medieval fantasy, is available on KU until May 20
• To Have and to Hold: Honeymoon Pegging Erotica is only available on KU until April 11th–then it goes into expanded distribution.
  • This mean’s it’s up for preorder on Smashwords and on Gumroad.
  • And as of Saturday, April 4, you can enter a giveaway on LibraryThing to win a free copy (you may need to scroll down the member giveaways list to find it)!

Additionally, Smashwords continues its gigantic Authors Give Back sale until April 20–many of my books and both New Smut Project anthologies are 60% off or free for the next month. You can see the full catalog here.

Speaking of free books, TELENY (gay Victorian erotica which might be by Oscar Wilde) is available as a free download here on my website. It’s also available as a paperback through Amazon, but I can’t in conscience recommend giving Amazon warehouse workers more to do this month–especially since some of them are striking. Keep that in mind for later.

Also in mind for later when you order print books again–and relevant in light of Amazon’s less savory business practices: Bookshop.org is designed to be an ethical Amazon alternative and a convenient way to buy print and audio books online while supporting local bookstores. Of the sales price, 10% goes to support participating ABA independent bookstores in an earnings pool that is distributed to every six months. Another 10% of sales go to linking affiliates, including small publishers, for whom affiliate sales can provide as much as 20% of their total income. I’m a participating affiliate, with a “storefront” listing books my writing has appeared in; publications from my micropress, the New Smut Project; and recommendations of some of my favorite erotica titles:

https://bookshop.org/shop/tcmill 

As bookshop.org expands their catalog, I intend to keep building those lists, especially the ones for femdom!

As mentioned above, I’ve also started to experiment in offering ebooks directly through Gumroad–and might start offering paperbacks once I work out details such as shipping and sales tax. Here are the stores for my TC Mill books and The New Smut Project anthologies (you can “follow” us there for updates on paperbacks and/or the publication of our new flash fiction collection, Erato). Buying through Gumroad means a higher percentage for royalties go to the authors, which is especially important with the first two NSP anthos, for which 100% of profits are paid out as royalties to contributors.

Stay safe, keep your hands clean, and entertain yourselves! See you all on the other side.

Sex Toy Review: Sili Saddle

Let’s start my new blogging venture–recommendations for some of my favorite toys–with this unique and memorably named bumper pad.

I think “sili” stands for silicone, which it’s made of, and I pronounce it “silly,” to my partner’s initial confusion. But silly name aside, I’m reviewing this piece first because, from the moment I first tried it, the Sili Saddle has become my most-used toy.

Without further ado–

First impressions:

• The Sili Saddle is shaped a bit like a flat, wide Viking longship.
• It comes in a variety of colors, including a plain “frosted” white. I picked a more colorful blue and purple so that it’s eye-catching and hard to misplace.
• Being soft silicone, it’s a bit of a “dust magnet” as I was warned in another review, so I wasn’t troubled to find it speckled upon opening.
  • It comes in a nice box for storage, and that does help keep down the dust some.
  • The rest is eliminated when the toy is wiped down before and after use with a wet wipe (SheVibes, the store where I get my toys–and to which my links are affiliate ones–offers a number of different cleaners, although I’m doing just fine with a bulk supply of ‘baby’ wipes from Costco).

A word on the texture: it’s described as “a soft silicone” and it is. Almost unsettlingly soft when I first picked it up. Growing up, my sister had this toy soldier that was made of super soft, stretchy rubber that still wigs me out just in memory. The Sili Saddle is nowhere near that bad, but first holding it reminded me how much floppy rubber is not my thing. The good news is, that immediately stops being a problem once the toy is in use–even if I’m still cupping it in my hand (and the bottom side is already more rigid than the top), the texture in my hand is *not* what I’m most aware of.

The soft, flexible silicone feels very very good where the rubber hits the road…I mean, on the business side of things. Those two “prows” to our Sili Viking longboat? They’re both meant to stimulate the clit, and I’ve also had a bit of luck just using that long ridge down the middle, which I believe is designed to slip easily between the labia. The softness is really a plus in this location, avoiding any hard “poking” feeling in place of a cushiony but firm caress. It’s, um, very good at that.

Correction: it’s fucking amazing at that.

Because of antidepressants (which are so very worth it for other reasons), my orgasms are not as easy to reach or as intense as they used to be. But when I use the Sili Saddle, an orgasm is

1. more or less guaranteed (especially when using my preferred position for manual stimulation)–at least half again as easy to reach
2. super intense. The kind where I’m lying wiped-out, blissed-out, breathing heavily, eyelids fluttering, surrounded by stars and rose-scented clouds…damn, they’re good.

It sounds like I’m promising a lot. Of course, your results may vary. But there is a reason this is my most-used toy and will probably continue to be.

And a reason both my partner and I have discussed writing about it in our future erotica efforts.

The saddle can be cupped in the hand, or slipped into underwear, or attached to the base of my dildo inside my harness (see pictures below), or rested on my partner’s skin for me to grind against. It’s amazingly versatile–it can be used in penetrative sex or frottage, masturbation or with a partner. Additional possibilities suggest themselves: the pad might cushion a bullet vibe to prevent “numbing out,” or avoid overly intense stimulation when the vibe is being run against an especially sensitive setup, for instance, the base of an inserted NJoy plug…

(Reviews of the Five strap-on, Theo harness, and NJoy plug are all forthcoming, BTW. And a review of that bullet vibe…for better or worse.)

For strap-on play and frottage, the pad is great to reduce pressure against the pubic mound. Other reviews have suggested it can provide a helpful cushion over the mons in PIV sex as well. If you have untrimmed pubic hair, though, do be careful of catching it (hasn’t been a terrible issue, but my partner is very understanding if I need to pause to shift the position of the saddle until it’s perfect).

Overall rating: 9.5 out of 10, has changed my sex life for the better, solves the problem of pressure/discomfort during strap-on play, opens up numerous other fun possibilities.

Alternative products:

According to some reviewers, the Bumpher, an alternative strap-on cushion, feels even better than the Sili Saddle. It seems to be made of a somewhat firmer silicone. It stretches to fit around the base of the dildo rather than simply adhering to it by the power of silicone stickiness, as the Sili Saddle does. The Bumpher is still on my wishlist, but the Sili Saddle seems more versatile overall and quicker to attach to the strap-on (to be honest, I already find the process of getting “in harness” fussy and didn’t want the added step of trying to fit the base into the Bumpher, at least not until I gain more hands-on experience). That made the Sili Saddle my first choice, and I’m already blown away, so who knows what “even better” could feel like…?

Wet for Her, maker of my beloved Five, also makes a variation known as the Fusion with an ergonomically designed base that includes clit stimulation. That’ll probably be my next strap-on toy purchase.

And when I do get either or both of those, you can look forward to my review here.

Pegging erotica for a good cause

Not just the cause of making pegging enthusiasts happy, although that is an excellent cause on its own.

To Have and To Hold is a piece of swooningly romantic and sizzlingly explicit couples’ erotica for fans of gentle femdom and vanilla dynamics alike! It’s about a deliriously hot honeymoon and features first-time pegging. And also herpes.

In tropical seclusion, Claire and James begin their new life together by trying out a new toy. At the same time, they weigh their options for protection in light of his HSV+ status, knowing nothing can come between them or put a dent in their ravenous lust for each other.

Originally planned for an anthology project called Positively Sexy, this short story was written in the belief that knockout-passionate writing is one of the sexiest ways to break down a taboo, and it’s being published to raise funds for more education work! With every copy sold, $1 will be donated to the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health (http://www.thecsph.org/), an organization* that promotes dialogue about sexuality without fear or shame.
*Unaffiliated with me, except for the fact that I’m a fan of their work and CSPH had been intended to receive funds raised through the Positively Sexy.

To Have and to Hold is for pre-order now on Amazon: https://amzn.to/2mUHOgh

Look for the ebook’s release on Smashwords around Valentine’s Day 2020. For updates when it hits further bookstores, follow my Smashwords author profile, my blog on Goodreads, or subscribe to my mailing list.

 

***

(Irresistible personal aside: Speaking of pegging enthusiasts…no, aladydoesn’ttellaladydoesn’ttellaladydoesn’ttell–back to the writing desk with me. Ignore whoever might be kneeling under it. God, I’m a sappy perv when in love <3.)

Dirty Thirty

I’ve been somewhat absent of late, haven’t I?

Conditions described in my previous personal update prevail. Pervertedly. Passionately.

It feels so natural and so wonderful at once.

While a lady doesn’t tie up and tell–actually, my boytoy/girlfriend wouldn’t mind me bragging, but the real challenge would be wanting to talk and talk and talk about it once I got started; maybe someday–in the writing world (and I AM still writing), I have some updates to share!

Coming soon: “The Passion of Her Sleep,” a Poe-inspired F/F romance, in MYSTIQUE, an  anthology of cosmic, uncanny, and macabre erotic romance short stories.
Preorder on the Aurelia Leo website.

 

 

 

And while I’m sharing new releases: can’t believe I missed my sci-fi pegging fic, “Not Quite an Antidote,” in Rose Caraway’s The Sexy Librarian’s Dirty Thirty, Volume 3. Now available in ebook and paperback. From what I recall from my years of working in a library, Dewey Decimal 808.8 includes anthologies, rhetorical analysis, writing advice, etc. The Sexy Librarian also classifies “Not Quite an Antidote” as being about Venom, Boundaries, and Intoxicating Desire. All true, and have I mentioned the pegging?